QUIZ: Where should you emigrate to???

Here is a quiz which has been recently commissioned by the USI, who have seen the errors of the blind assertions of their “Education Not Emigration” campaign. Having promptly reversed this phrase, the nationwide student body is now encouraging students to spend at least half of their study time considering where to emigrate to.

However, this blog has devised a short quiz which will accurately tell you where to emigrate in a matter of minutes. Enjoy.

Please note. The USI have brought out a press release to accompany their decision on the emigration question. Gary Redmond, USI president, has passed on Govt. information revealing that each student planning to stay in Ireland after attaining their degree will be subject to to an intense state psychological assessment.

The quiz:

Where should I emigrate to!?!?! 2010

Take a pencil/pen and some paper and jot down your answer to these 10 questions.

Questions:

1:

Should you emigrate?

a) Yes
b) Yes

2:

In which of these countries is English listed as an official language?

a) England

b) India

c) USA

d) Australia

3:

Which of these European cities has a city named after it on every continent?

a) Dublin

b) Rome

c) Verona

d) Gowel, Co. Leitrim

e) Munich

f) Sparta

g) С нетерпением жду ответа

4:

Who is the best X-Facor Judge?

a) Louis

b) Cheryl

c) Simon

d) The other one.

e) It actually has nothing to do with this quiz.

5:

What kind of music do you like?

a) whateverz on da radio

b) Metalcore

c) Pop-punk

d) Elvis

e) Lil' Jon

6:

What time did you get to bed at last night?

a) Before midnight

b) 2am

c) 3am

d) Championship manager...

e) Got the ride, not sure.

7:

Could you bleed a radiator if called upon?

a) Yeah

b) No, probably not

c) Definitely not

8:

“Travel is...

a) ...a way to explore the world”

b) ...a great chance to write interesting Facebook statuses”

c) ...a necessity”

d) ...a way to find myself”

e) ...what did you say about my family?”

9:

Lol?

a) LOL

b) lolz

c) lulz

d) haha!

e) hehehehe

10:

Are you going to accept your result in this quiz?

a) Yes

b) Yes

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Key:

Question 1:

a = 1 point

b = 1 point

2:

correct answer = b) India. 7 points. (In all other countries it is the de facto language, but not official).

Incorrect answers get no points.

3:

a) 0 pts

b) 7 pts

c) 0 pts

d) 1 pt

e) 0 pts

f) 0 pts

g) 1 pt - ya mechtayu o tom dne kogda mee stanem odnoy semyoy!

4:

a) 0 pts.

b) 3 pts – wrong but Cheryl still deserves some points.

c) 0

d) 0

e) 6 pts. Correct.

5:

a) 0 pts

b) 1 pt

c) 4 pts

d) 5 pts

e) 6 pts

6:

a) 0 pts

b) 2 pts

c) 3 pts

d) 5 pts

e) 7 pts.

7:

a) 5 pts

b) 1 pt

c) 0 pts

8:

a) 1 pt

b) 4 pts

c) 5 pts

d) 0 pts

e) 1 pt

9:

a) 5 pts

b) 0

c) 0

d) 0

e) - 1 point

10

Both are worth 5 pts.

RESULTS

Tot up your score to find out where you should emigrate to!

0-5 points

You should not emigrate. It is actually impossible to get this result in the quiz.

6 - 10

Nigeria. Believe it or not this hugely populated, fast paced and hugely complicated West-African federal nation is the one for you. Live like a king working for one of the many major oil firms operating on the south coast... until you are kidnapped by one of the many prominent gangs in said region. Keep the faith, sometimes your employer will pay your ransom. If not, watch out for this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stockholm_syndrome .

11 - 20

South Africa. Re-watch Blood Diamond another 7 times and you're set. Focus on Leonardo Di Caprio's reaction to Dijmon Hounsou's back talk.

All white South Africans are diamond smugglers or mercenaries, usually both. Stop off in Amsterdam and Antwerp en-route to make connections in the business and to practice Dutch with a view of mastering Afrikaans (essential in the diamond trade). Make sure to constantly wrap your driving licence with a 100 Rand bill to escape a myriad of inevitable drunk driving offences. Also, don't keep your pistol on the dashboard, you're just begging to bribe the police officer more if you do...

21 - 30

Thailand. Soapy erotic massages. So suck it up and do a TEFL course. For a comedic take on a very real problem, see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQNzLBTCEDI .

31 - 36

Australia. You are young, fun loving, ambitious and moving across the globe to prove it. Shark attacks are uncommon, and they really do have Christmas dinner on the beach. Urban areas along the east coast await your vibrancy and madness. The rest of the country awaits a once off weekend tour by you to glance at indigenous people. Live this lifestyle for 6 months and then see http://www.getajobinthemines.com/kalgoorlie-mining-jobs.html to recover some money. If worst comes to worst, do the opposite of Russell Crowe and take a 9 hour trip east to Middle Earth, and do the same all over again.

37 - 45

USA. Keep your head down for the next month (no drug arrests, no public order offences, limit sexual predatory acts) and get on a flight to California. Take the never ending J-1 option. Carry a fake signed picture of JFK and wait for the jobs to come to you. Inglewood and East LA provide the cheapest and best value accommodation, and are basically full of sound Irish students.

45 - 52

Luxembourg. You should move to Europe's undisputed financial utopian nation. Bring your fluency in the English language and small knowledge of French/German, sit back, and prosper. Luxembourg has huge issues regarding education reform at the moment also, so as an Irish student you should fit right in.

The fact that it has recently been added to the G20's 'grey list' of countries with “questionable banking arrangements” makes Luxembourg all the more appealing.

53 +

Singapore. You are destined to to live in this far-east haven. Climb the meritocratic social ladder of this city-state. English is the main language and the economy is solid as a rock, the people are typically overly polite and unimposing - they await the brashness of your western upbringing.
For fitting in with the layman on the street when you venture into cheap markets for 100% polyester t-shirts, you will need to sort out your knowledge of pidgin English, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singlish .