Writing the first entry is always tough. So tough that were going to need a topical metaphor.
First of, Poorly Written News is a blog that seeks to highlight and correct non-factual, prejudiced, narrow-minded and sensationalist press. In a world where the tabloid has become the daily base reading for so many, media accountability seems to have been driven out in the process.
There are several blogs committed to similar goals (http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/http://www.fivechinesecrackers.com/), and new blogs in this field are cropping up every week. Why is this? Indeed it does seem that there is so little media accountability in tabloids that there is such a massive scope for varied and dynamic criticism.
This blog will focus on underlining the follies of the aforementioned poorly written news (not specifically tabloids, broadsheets are capable of such writing) as well as some other cultural observations and adaptations of famous works (just for fun!... and to examine how words can be manipulated in the passage of time - Chinese whispers sort o' shit).
Where have you bin?
Blame it on the PR consultants going on holidays, blame it on cats, blame it on cat persecutors... the past week has been a field day for the poorly written press. I'd like to think that the planets were having an off day and aligned themselves wrongly which would give a better explanation as to why that woman decided to leave that cat in that bin post-caress.. I'd also like to think that the poorly written press didn't pick up on it and make it the focus of poorly written news. Wishful thinking.
The hand that strokes is the hand that bins.
Lola the cat, ironically, may well be a perfect example of how the tabloids treat their readers. Readers of the tabloids are groomed into believing what is written in this form of press is the truth. The stories are just so appealing, so sensationalised, so as to make the reader want to swallow up every bit of this writing style. Following the Lola story may well be a master stroke of journalism - elucidating the fickleness of sensationalism and the effects of buying into it.
Don't fall for the free lunch. What is brought to your attention on the front page of a newspaper is worth more than a cat being thrown in a bin. There happen to have been some floods going on in Pakistan and a half dozen town centres in Iraq blown up for instance. But no, we get some very serious articles on a confused cat owner. Don't get me wrong, newspapers need some comic relief - a semi-serious article on a frivolous topic – but the 'Lola' story has been treated with nothing but mindless seriousness.
If we take the other cat story popping up in the news last week in Ireland - the DART kitty who got on at Malahide and got off at Pearse Street - as the root of an analogy, the Poorly Written Press is highlighting their own incapacity to deliver real news. (To be honest, I was surprised to be informed of this story in news broadcasts throughout the week. It never seemed outside the realm of possibility to me before that a cat could board a train. Indeed, once you take in this incredible occurrence, what else more is there to say on the matter? It's a dead end of pointless news.)
Maybe reputable strands of the media are actually using this story as a metaphor to describe how they've de-railed (barely even a pun, sorry) from the pursuit of meaningful news items. When broadsheets cover sensationalised news like this, its like they’ve followed this amazing cat's initiative and gotten on the DART with a real news story at a pleasant station, and departed the train at a less desirable spot, stuck to the floor of the well worn platform rotting open on page 3.
A metaphor creates an implicit analogy between two objects. Something which doesn't crop up often in the poorly written press is the use of metaphor in an article. A metaphor generally renders a writer much more open to defamation - events and ideas of the past can be implied as the subject of the article's through a mismanaged metaphor.
Most of all a metaphor presents one thing as something else. Consider stories like cats in bins and cats on the DART to be twisted metaphors - presenting themselves to be news when they're actually just fodder for fatuousness.
Tabloids and other poorly written news do this, they stroke you, as to arouse you, but they're end goal for you is the bottom of the wheelie bin.
When metaphors do appear in the poorly written press, they usually amount to trite puns and statements about as elegantly figurative as a pre-diet Johnny Vegas. The only way I could imagine a tabloid using a metaphor these days would be something along the lines of:
“MEPH-APHOR – X FACTOR CONTESTANT METAPHOR ADMITS TO MEPH ADDICTION JUST DAYS AFTER ADMITTING TO HAVING USED SIMON COWELL’S TUNING FORK BEHIND THE SCENES: SIDE NOTE: – Powerful new street drug ‘mephogrance’ known to our nation's children as “meow meow scandal” expert puritans claim a “hit” of the drug can be bought on the streets for the same price as an annual subscription to the Daily Mail”.
Tabloids and sensationalised broadsheets will forever propel us to the depths of wheelie bins unless we exercise vigilance in the face of ignorance.
All in all....
This blog feels writing has bin better.
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